


An Army of Caterpillars: A Mrs. Tattersalls Mystery

by kitastrophe



Series: The Mrs. Tattersalls Mysteries [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Books that don't exist, Bureaucracy, Caterpillars, Composting for Dummies, Fake Mysteries, Fake synopses, Fictional Mysteries, Gen, Meta, Murder, Murder Mystery, Non-fair trade palm oil, Retired archivists, Terms of Venery, Vegetarians & Vegans, dirty old hippies, organic farming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:07:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23223001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitastrophe/pseuds/kitastrophe
Summary: Wherein a dirty old hippie meets a bad end, and retirement is more exciting than anticipated.
Series: The Mrs. Tattersalls Mysteries [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1669744
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	An Army of Caterpillars: A Mrs. Tattersalls Mystery

When widowed archivist Lavinia Tattersalls retired from decades of work at the local historical society, she expected to live out the remainder of her days in the quiet company of her cat and an internet full of Harry Potter fan-fiction. But when the body of a local organic soapmaker is discovered buried in under a compost heap-- partially consumed by a rare and invasive species of caterpillar-- she knows she must set aside her plans for a staid life of poorly-written pornography to get to learn the truth. Who would want the soapmaker dead? Whence these caterpillars? And where is the Constabulary when you need them?! Join Mrs. Tattersalls as she battles a bungle of bureaucrats, a vanguard of vegans and an army of caterpillars to get to the bottom of a rather gruesome murder and a rather whiffy dungheap!

( _ **SPOILER ALERT!**_ The soapmaker was killed by radical vegans when it was discovered that he was making his soap with non-fair trade palm oil bought in bulk from shady dealers on Amazon Prime rather than the cruelty-free vegetable glycerin he advertised. The head of the vegan gang was the ne'er-do-well son of the local magistrate, who bribed the local constables not to pry too deeply into the soapmaker’s death. He was, after all, just an old, smelly hippie! Mrs. Tattersalls was able to extract a confession from the girlfriend of the ringleader by threatening to stomp on a spider: she had provided the caterpillars, mistakenly believing they would hasten decomposition and create sustainable human mulch. The vegans and magistrate were arrested, and the embarrassed constabulary cleaned house of hooligans and made Mrs. Tattersalls an Official Investigator-at-Large. The community garden was closed shortly thereafter, as the entire town was too disgusted to ever plant their vegetables there again. Mrs. Tattersalls goes home, has a hot cuppa, and enjoys the company of her cat, Frank, and a delightful Harry Potter/Ocean’s 11 crossover!*)

* * *

*See: [Snape's 11](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10265804/chapters/22738721) by Persnickety (I haven't read it, but it fits the bill!)  
  



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